Monday, December 24, 2012

Family: Santa Has It Right...

    You have the people on Facebook who think that seeing family on the holidays is a wonderful blessing. I'd like to see what exactly they take before attending these events. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but most people enjoy the holidays. I couldn't disagree more. I don't know the types of people who typically enjoy spending times with their families, I always feel that families always make things more stressful than necessary. This is the first year I am living with my fiance. We have to share who's house we go over every year, instead of going to both homes; it'd be way more driving than we could handle. This year we decided on his family since the unfortunate circumstances with his step father...
    I feel that I should have seen this happening in advance though, with all the satirical films that have been released throughout my life... I never thought it'd be like this.
     My parents enjoy guilt tripping me. The last few months I have seen them more than my fiance's family. Either way, it's way too many times. For the last few months I had to endure intense psychological "games," and being introduced to his family as well is sometimes more than I can handle. My parents enjoyed watching reality television- they create drama. They get off on it. I moved away for a reason- Santa's got it right; it's only good visiting family once a year.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Addiction of Love

     Every now and again I see something that relates the need for love to that of our most basic drives. In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theory, it'd be located on the bottom of the pyramid an it includes; sex, food, air, shelter, water. The basic needs.
     Now, looking back on my quest for love it was very time consuming. The idea ate away at me, and even though I was in college, I was finding being alone to prove quite formidable. At school, at work, when I was to be studying.. the distraction was there. Like a pesky itch in the part of your back you can't reach I was determined to get it. That's how you end up dedicating a year and a half of your life to it without realizing how much time has passed.
     I try to make my job hunt a similar situation. Like searching for love beat me down, so too does the search for a job. I try to motivate myself and strangely enough. lately, in order to do anything I have to get off.
     You could say that being alone during the day and the monotony of a job search switches on the part of the brain that craves the sweet release of those frisky little "feel good" hormones. Scientists have said that sex and orgasm activate the same part of the brain that is associated with drug addiction. It makes us feel good, and so like a crack whore, we keep chasing that high.
     I will say that in my adolescence I was a late bloomer. The self exploration of myself as well as the connection process with my body was at a much later age for me than most. That, however, is what I see masturbation to be. The connection with yourself. I love myself. I know that if I couldn't get off then I'd have some real concerns in regards to how I saw myself, not only physically, but psychologically as well. Being a late bloomer I have only shared in the love making act with my fiance. I was what you'd call old fashioned. I am very glad that I decided to wait, but I am sure that I may not have been so sexual had I not known who I was.
     All this talk about love and sex will bring me to another topic as well. The one about abstinence and the government in it's funding. Not too long ago a woman named Liza Long wrote a blog about her mentally ill son Michael. She instantly got news coverage on her out cry for better mental health treatment for the psychologically ill. Like her out cry, I will make a similar case, but not one so rash as to offend most people by assimilating my opinions with a tragic event. Documentaries cover this issue as well. Most schools won't teach safe sex in order to get Health education funding. There is a requirement that in order to get government assistance you much scare the absolute shit out of children. tell them it's wrong and then at the end have them sign a pledge vowing abstinence forever more. In an idealistic world this would work. But instead we have a mass of people who believe "Our kids aren't having sex." Then turn the other cheek and life goes on. Want to know something? They are having sex. Unfortunately now, it's in our parks where I took my little, now 4 year old sister, to. This teen couple was doing it under a pavilion on a bench. There's condemnation for pornography, sexting, teen nudity, and sex before marriage, but with the avocation of abstinence comes a higher percentage of teen pregnancies. Did you know that I didn't know what a condom looked like until I was about 18? I didn't know how to properly use a tampon, or where one even went until, again, I was almost 18? All the research on sex I did on my own accord. It's only because I was sensible enough to worry about my safety that I looked into it at all. With all my preparation I still ended up getting a UTI within a few days after, evidently spermicide lubricated condoms have this effect. I wasn't told you have to urinate after having sex either. But at least I had common sense to use protection.
     Imagine the countless number of children who are having sex without protection, but now we glorify this on shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom.
     Television is the glorification of risks without repercussions, but in real life, there are consequences to our actions; good and bad.

All Great Empires Fall

     We connect to larger masses through media, but what would we be without the instant access to information? Has the power ever gone out and you lost the internet for a few hours? It evokes a small stroke of fear. Our whole lives are on the internet, powered by this mighty machine- but what would we do without it? We have out whole lives on the internet. From banking to digitally documenting our lives for future generations.
     Now there was actually some things quite similar in history I will highlight to make my point. There once was a Chinese emperor who unified China in early 200BC. After building the Great Wall at the expense of many lives Qin Shi Huang had to ensure the stability of his empire. Doing so resulted in the order of not only outlawing paper documents, but also the burning of books and burying of live scholars. Essentially this burning was to create a power over illiterates. They had to rely on him for information, but if you look into it now you'll realize he destroyed a lot of documented history during that time period.
     My theory about the internet disappearing, satirically addressed in the South Park episode "Over Logging", has a lot to do with the loss of information about our time as well as the riddling effects on those people who are afflicted by internet addiction.

I May Be A Dreamer, But I'm Not The Only One

     I took notice of this a while back. Back when I was in college. This ties in a lot with my dad's advice about how people usually only talk to you out of the blue when they need something from you. Good advice dad. I've had numerous discussions about this with people as well, so this discussion may get a little deeper than usual.
     Remember being in school and the teacher yelling at you because you were passing notes? Then as the cliche' goes, the teacher reads the note out loud to the class and after they were done you'd get a stare and then told to knock it off, or be sent to the principal's office; depending on how often you got in trouble. The other day I was reminiscing about passing notes, strangely enough, how I used to fold those notes. Which almost led me to calling up my sister to ask her, but distraction got the best of me.
     It wasn't until last night that I realized my usual rants about the flaws of society were a good topic to touch on in regards to relationships. It's not notes children in school are writing anymore, it's texting and using social media, but it isn't just children either. College adults do the same thing. To test this idea out I conducted little social experiments of my own. I made an effort to smile to more people I passed, even if I had headphones in. I would hold doors open for people behind me, smile at them, or when leaving a strangers company I would be sure to tell them to have a good day. The results of this were odd to say the least. In elevators, walking by people or just holding the door open, these people would take notice of me at least, but what they failed to do was to meet my smile with any friendly response. It usually consisted of snarks of disgust, the chin scrunch of embarrassment looking at their phone, fiddling with their clothes; anything to avert eye contact. Of course I was guilty of this at one point to.
     Here you are, in contact with another human being, and for the briefest moment your paths cross there is really no conversation to exchange. You feel that if it were fate, they would start up a conversation with you at the most. But what isn't understood is that communication is a two way street. Real life isn't meant to be like the movies, that's why we go and watch something that's scripted; simply because it's fantasy. It was why people went to movies in the old days and why they go to the movies now; to escape reality for the briefest of moments. Or perhaps movies provide a similar effect of Shakespeare's comic relief. Life is a drama.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

My Strange Relationship With Myself: Self Recognition

     One of the most important relationships in your life is with yourself. We find this growing up through the adolescent years that we are the most intelligent, interesting, scary, reliable person that there is. We are our number one fan and enemy.
     This discovery of yourself usually begins around the age of two or so when we develop the ability of self recognition. Scientists and psychologists have tested this by putting a mark on the forehead of a baby and then having the child look at itself in the mirror. This is why we don't have dreams about ourselves as infants. Existence is a strange thing, probably too much for a newly developing brain anyways. The point I am making here is that this idea of self recognition isn't gender based. However, we do tend to hear that little boys become aware of their bodies at a young age, but this is besides the point.
     Adolescence is where I will start. Hormones are raging, attitudes are sharp and the need to become an autonomous individual is a constant struggle. I have learned a lot about myself in these years. Things like, what you meant to say and how it sounded are two different things. Simply put, experiences are strictly at the mercy of being subjective. This is the time where your body is changing and you like the opposite sex. You explore your body in a new and exciting way and for some reason you develop quite an adversary; yourself.
     I tend to have conversations with myself when I'm alone. Being unemployed, this is often times most of how I spend my day. When I was younger however, and even now, I would sit in the bathroom and think. I wasn't waiting for anything to happen. Technically I was "done" doing my business, but I would just sit. A lot of the time I would talk to myself, have little hypothetical stand up comedy shows or just simply a great new and inventive idea. Of course all my good ideas were in places I had no access to a piece of paper or anything to write with. Needless to say they must have been strictly for self amusement purposes. But I found myself asking questions; strange ones at that.
     First they would be about random things. Things I would have thought about as they came to mind. Other times, I would think about something that was bothering me. I have a hard time letting certain things go, I often times over analyzed situations and had a habit of replaying life's events in my head. It got to the point where it was annoying and I thought that this part of me had settled down over the years. Only recently have I realized that it really hasn't. Now these thoughts go from fears and anxieties about future events, to my opinionated beliefs, but almost always turn up becoming taken into a sexual context. Which only turns out to make me panic more. I tend to over hypothesize how an event will occur, usually the worst things weigh heavier in my probable scenarios. The good thing, most times than not, the situation goes better than expected. So when you expect the worst and it turns out completely fine, you can breathe that huge sigh of relief after you catch your breath from the way Anxiety sought fit to constrict your airways the past few weeks.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

How To Date Online: Writing Original Personal Messages

     So in the last post I had mentioned advice in writing an original message to someone who has passed all of your filtrate systems. Congratulations!
    Now, it seems, the pressure is on to write a meaningful message that won't only capture the eye but will also come off as original, witty, and most of all addresses their favorite thing to talk about; themselves.

For the sake of this, I will go onto POF and search for an actual person to show you exactly how this works.

So right off the bat I went on, searched as if I were a man looking for a woman between the ages of 18-24. Wasn't too specific in my search requirements just simple things like "wants to date but nothing serious"- so I could find someone to use as an example. I chose a girl my age, 19, she chose sunfish for her personality and writes a small about me paragraph. I will include it below to show you how this goes.

About Me
My name is BROOKE
I am a very kind, fun loving person, who would do anything for anybody.
I don't do drugs, never did and I don't hang out with people who do.
My family and friends mean the world to me.
I love to go out and have a good time, but staying home and cuddling is also nice.
I am such a funny girl, even when someone is in a bad mood, I can still make them laugh.
I can be an a$$hole at times.
Once someone disrespects me your a$$ is cut.
I don't play children games.
Drama free is the way to be haha.

*Don't message me disrespectful sh!t because I will not message you back.

*If you are old enough to be my dad, don't waste your time to message me.
First Date
Someone who will not expect the "happy" ending
     First thing to take notice of, she uses her real name. This is an option, for me I made finding out my name a riddle. I thought it to be a nice conversation piece. Some may ask how, and it's actually quite simple. Everyone's name has a meaning. For instance mine was "where the willows grow; sheltered"-- anyone with Google could have figured it out, but you'd be surprised how few people tried!
     I digress. Anyways, she mentions that she's kind, enjoys life and is loyal. Good traits, but who doesn't like to have a good time? She reinforces that she's a "good girl" by stating that she doesn't do drugs and doesn't hang around people who've made poor life decisions. She likes going out but doesn't mind one on one time either. So she isn't a stage five clinger, has some independence and won't rely on you all the time for emotional support. She claims to have a good sense of humor but can be mean sometimes. She openly admits to being human by saying she can be mean. So at least she's honest. She wants an honest relationship with respect and understanding. Sounds pretty reasonable.
   Now that we dissected her profile a little but, now's the time to make conversation.Notice how she talked about herself. She didn't say much about who she wants as a partner and this is critical information.

She claims to she's humorous, so start off with a header like, "Cheese, Milk's Attempt at Immortality"
funny, witty, thought provoking, could even elicit a smile, but it's an eye catcher. Beats the hell out of saying "hey"
Start off with an introduction.
     Hi Brooke (if she includes her name be sure to use it- it's respectful and show's you read her profile and aren't messaging her simply because of her looks)
State how you came across her profile- why you looked at it. For this, it's okay to make a brief mention of how her picture piqued your interests.
     I was looking around and saw your photo. What caught me at first was how the light reflected off your hair and the life in your eyes when you smile.
Now mention the little things you saw in her profile. Don't make this about you though.
In her profile she mentions being a professional dancer, ask her to elaborate.
     I saw that you are a dancer, what made you decide to pursue dancing?
She mentions having taken some college
     What courses have you taken in college thus far?
     Are you in a specific school program, certificate/ degree?
Don't sound condescending, and don't make it about sex. She was adamant about wanting an emotional bond more than a physical one first.
Being on pof, the person is looking for a partner they aren't finding in real life. Now's your time to ask her about that.
     Since you're on pof you must be looking for someone specific. Without censors (make sure she can let her guard down, again this isn't about you fitting into her ideal man- it's about learning about her) tell me what kind of partner you are looking for physically as well as psychologically.

Ask where she sees herself in the future (5-10 years from now)
Ask about what her hobbies are, her favorite tv shows, favorite color, etc.
These questions seem childish but in reality you're trying to learn about this person as much as possible and a lot of times their favorite things say a lot about who they are as a person as well as what they prefer.

Life Lessons About People From My Dad: #2

     You'll find that people love nothing more than talking about themselves. So when you meet someone new,  look around and notice little things they have laying around. People don't get mad when they talk about their favorite person; themselves.