Monday, December 24, 2012

Family: Santa Has It Right...

    You have the people on Facebook who think that seeing family on the holidays is a wonderful blessing. I'd like to see what exactly they take before attending these events. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but most people enjoy the holidays. I couldn't disagree more. I don't know the types of people who typically enjoy spending times with their families, I always feel that families always make things more stressful than necessary. This is the first year I am living with my fiance. We have to share who's house we go over every year, instead of going to both homes; it'd be way more driving than we could handle. This year we decided on his family since the unfortunate circumstances with his step father...
    I feel that I should have seen this happening in advance though, with all the satirical films that have been released throughout my life... I never thought it'd be like this.
     My parents enjoy guilt tripping me. The last few months I have seen them more than my fiance's family. Either way, it's way too many times. For the last few months I had to endure intense psychological "games," and being introduced to his family as well is sometimes more than I can handle. My parents enjoyed watching reality television- they create drama. They get off on it. I moved away for a reason- Santa's got it right; it's only good visiting family once a year.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Addiction of Love

     Every now and again I see something that relates the need for love to that of our most basic drives. In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theory, it'd be located on the bottom of the pyramid an it includes; sex, food, air, shelter, water. The basic needs.
     Now, looking back on my quest for love it was very time consuming. The idea ate away at me, and even though I was in college, I was finding being alone to prove quite formidable. At school, at work, when I was to be studying.. the distraction was there. Like a pesky itch in the part of your back you can't reach I was determined to get it. That's how you end up dedicating a year and a half of your life to it without realizing how much time has passed.
     I try to make my job hunt a similar situation. Like searching for love beat me down, so too does the search for a job. I try to motivate myself and strangely enough. lately, in order to do anything I have to get off.
     You could say that being alone during the day and the monotony of a job search switches on the part of the brain that craves the sweet release of those frisky little "feel good" hormones. Scientists have said that sex and orgasm activate the same part of the brain that is associated with drug addiction. It makes us feel good, and so like a crack whore, we keep chasing that high.
     I will say that in my adolescence I was a late bloomer. The self exploration of myself as well as the connection process with my body was at a much later age for me than most. That, however, is what I see masturbation to be. The connection with yourself. I love myself. I know that if I couldn't get off then I'd have some real concerns in regards to how I saw myself, not only physically, but psychologically as well. Being a late bloomer I have only shared in the love making act with my fiance. I was what you'd call old fashioned. I am very glad that I decided to wait, but I am sure that I may not have been so sexual had I not known who I was.
     All this talk about love and sex will bring me to another topic as well. The one about abstinence and the government in it's funding. Not too long ago a woman named Liza Long wrote a blog about her mentally ill son Michael. She instantly got news coverage on her out cry for better mental health treatment for the psychologically ill. Like her out cry, I will make a similar case, but not one so rash as to offend most people by assimilating my opinions with a tragic event. Documentaries cover this issue as well. Most schools won't teach safe sex in order to get Health education funding. There is a requirement that in order to get government assistance you much scare the absolute shit out of children. tell them it's wrong and then at the end have them sign a pledge vowing abstinence forever more. In an idealistic world this would work. But instead we have a mass of people who believe "Our kids aren't having sex." Then turn the other cheek and life goes on. Want to know something? They are having sex. Unfortunately now, it's in our parks where I took my little, now 4 year old sister, to. This teen couple was doing it under a pavilion on a bench. There's condemnation for pornography, sexting, teen nudity, and sex before marriage, but with the avocation of abstinence comes a higher percentage of teen pregnancies. Did you know that I didn't know what a condom looked like until I was about 18? I didn't know how to properly use a tampon, or where one even went until, again, I was almost 18? All the research on sex I did on my own accord. It's only because I was sensible enough to worry about my safety that I looked into it at all. With all my preparation I still ended up getting a UTI within a few days after, evidently spermicide lubricated condoms have this effect. I wasn't told you have to urinate after having sex either. But at least I had common sense to use protection.
     Imagine the countless number of children who are having sex without protection, but now we glorify this on shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom.
     Television is the glorification of risks without repercussions, but in real life, there are consequences to our actions; good and bad.

All Great Empires Fall

     We connect to larger masses through media, but what would we be without the instant access to information? Has the power ever gone out and you lost the internet for a few hours? It evokes a small stroke of fear. Our whole lives are on the internet, powered by this mighty machine- but what would we do without it? We have out whole lives on the internet. From banking to digitally documenting our lives for future generations.
     Now there was actually some things quite similar in history I will highlight to make my point. There once was a Chinese emperor who unified China in early 200BC. After building the Great Wall at the expense of many lives Qin Shi Huang had to ensure the stability of his empire. Doing so resulted in the order of not only outlawing paper documents, but also the burning of books and burying of live scholars. Essentially this burning was to create a power over illiterates. They had to rely on him for information, but if you look into it now you'll realize he destroyed a lot of documented history during that time period.
     My theory about the internet disappearing, satirically addressed in the South Park episode "Over Logging", has a lot to do with the loss of information about our time as well as the riddling effects on those people who are afflicted by internet addiction.

I May Be A Dreamer, But I'm Not The Only One

     I took notice of this a while back. Back when I was in college. This ties in a lot with my dad's advice about how people usually only talk to you out of the blue when they need something from you. Good advice dad. I've had numerous discussions about this with people as well, so this discussion may get a little deeper than usual.
     Remember being in school and the teacher yelling at you because you were passing notes? Then as the cliche' goes, the teacher reads the note out loud to the class and after they were done you'd get a stare and then told to knock it off, or be sent to the principal's office; depending on how often you got in trouble. The other day I was reminiscing about passing notes, strangely enough, how I used to fold those notes. Which almost led me to calling up my sister to ask her, but distraction got the best of me.
     It wasn't until last night that I realized my usual rants about the flaws of society were a good topic to touch on in regards to relationships. It's not notes children in school are writing anymore, it's texting and using social media, but it isn't just children either. College adults do the same thing. To test this idea out I conducted little social experiments of my own. I made an effort to smile to more people I passed, even if I had headphones in. I would hold doors open for people behind me, smile at them, or when leaving a strangers company I would be sure to tell them to have a good day. The results of this were odd to say the least. In elevators, walking by people or just holding the door open, these people would take notice of me at least, but what they failed to do was to meet my smile with any friendly response. It usually consisted of snarks of disgust, the chin scrunch of embarrassment looking at their phone, fiddling with their clothes; anything to avert eye contact. Of course I was guilty of this at one point to.
     Here you are, in contact with another human being, and for the briefest moment your paths cross there is really no conversation to exchange. You feel that if it were fate, they would start up a conversation with you at the most. But what isn't understood is that communication is a two way street. Real life isn't meant to be like the movies, that's why we go and watch something that's scripted; simply because it's fantasy. It was why people went to movies in the old days and why they go to the movies now; to escape reality for the briefest of moments. Or perhaps movies provide a similar effect of Shakespeare's comic relief. Life is a drama.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

My Strange Relationship With Myself: Self Recognition

     One of the most important relationships in your life is with yourself. We find this growing up through the adolescent years that we are the most intelligent, interesting, scary, reliable person that there is. We are our number one fan and enemy.
     This discovery of yourself usually begins around the age of two or so when we develop the ability of self recognition. Scientists and psychologists have tested this by putting a mark on the forehead of a baby and then having the child look at itself in the mirror. This is why we don't have dreams about ourselves as infants. Existence is a strange thing, probably too much for a newly developing brain anyways. The point I am making here is that this idea of self recognition isn't gender based. However, we do tend to hear that little boys become aware of their bodies at a young age, but this is besides the point.
     Adolescence is where I will start. Hormones are raging, attitudes are sharp and the need to become an autonomous individual is a constant struggle. I have learned a lot about myself in these years. Things like, what you meant to say and how it sounded are two different things. Simply put, experiences are strictly at the mercy of being subjective. This is the time where your body is changing and you like the opposite sex. You explore your body in a new and exciting way and for some reason you develop quite an adversary; yourself.
     I tend to have conversations with myself when I'm alone. Being unemployed, this is often times most of how I spend my day. When I was younger however, and even now, I would sit in the bathroom and think. I wasn't waiting for anything to happen. Technically I was "done" doing my business, but I would just sit. A lot of the time I would talk to myself, have little hypothetical stand up comedy shows or just simply a great new and inventive idea. Of course all my good ideas were in places I had no access to a piece of paper or anything to write with. Needless to say they must have been strictly for self amusement purposes. But I found myself asking questions; strange ones at that.
     First they would be about random things. Things I would have thought about as they came to mind. Other times, I would think about something that was bothering me. I have a hard time letting certain things go, I often times over analyzed situations and had a habit of replaying life's events in my head. It got to the point where it was annoying and I thought that this part of me had settled down over the years. Only recently have I realized that it really hasn't. Now these thoughts go from fears and anxieties about future events, to my opinionated beliefs, but almost always turn up becoming taken into a sexual context. Which only turns out to make me panic more. I tend to over hypothesize how an event will occur, usually the worst things weigh heavier in my probable scenarios. The good thing, most times than not, the situation goes better than expected. So when you expect the worst and it turns out completely fine, you can breathe that huge sigh of relief after you catch your breath from the way Anxiety sought fit to constrict your airways the past few weeks.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

How To Date Online: Writing Original Personal Messages

     So in the last post I had mentioned advice in writing an original message to someone who has passed all of your filtrate systems. Congratulations!
    Now, it seems, the pressure is on to write a meaningful message that won't only capture the eye but will also come off as original, witty, and most of all addresses their favorite thing to talk about; themselves.

For the sake of this, I will go onto POF and search for an actual person to show you exactly how this works.

So right off the bat I went on, searched as if I were a man looking for a woman between the ages of 18-24. Wasn't too specific in my search requirements just simple things like "wants to date but nothing serious"- so I could find someone to use as an example. I chose a girl my age, 19, she chose sunfish for her personality and writes a small about me paragraph. I will include it below to show you how this goes.

About Me
My name is BROOKE
I am a very kind, fun loving person, who would do anything for anybody.
I don't do drugs, never did and I don't hang out with people who do.
My family and friends mean the world to me.
I love to go out and have a good time, but staying home and cuddling is also nice.
I am such a funny girl, even when someone is in a bad mood, I can still make them laugh.
I can be an a$$hole at times.
Once someone disrespects me your a$$ is cut.
I don't play children games.
Drama free is the way to be haha.

*Don't message me disrespectful sh!t because I will not message you back.

*If you are old enough to be my dad, don't waste your time to message me.
First Date
Someone who will not expect the "happy" ending
     First thing to take notice of, she uses her real name. This is an option, for me I made finding out my name a riddle. I thought it to be a nice conversation piece. Some may ask how, and it's actually quite simple. Everyone's name has a meaning. For instance mine was "where the willows grow; sheltered"-- anyone with Google could have figured it out, but you'd be surprised how few people tried!
     I digress. Anyways, she mentions that she's kind, enjoys life and is loyal. Good traits, but who doesn't like to have a good time? She reinforces that she's a "good girl" by stating that she doesn't do drugs and doesn't hang around people who've made poor life decisions. She likes going out but doesn't mind one on one time either. So she isn't a stage five clinger, has some independence and won't rely on you all the time for emotional support. She claims to have a good sense of humor but can be mean sometimes. She openly admits to being human by saying she can be mean. So at least she's honest. She wants an honest relationship with respect and understanding. Sounds pretty reasonable.
   Now that we dissected her profile a little but, now's the time to make conversation.Notice how she talked about herself. She didn't say much about who she wants as a partner and this is critical information.

She claims to she's humorous, so start off with a header like, "Cheese, Milk's Attempt at Immortality"
funny, witty, thought provoking, could even elicit a smile, but it's an eye catcher. Beats the hell out of saying "hey"
Start off with an introduction.
     Hi Brooke (if she includes her name be sure to use it- it's respectful and show's you read her profile and aren't messaging her simply because of her looks)
State how you came across her profile- why you looked at it. For this, it's okay to make a brief mention of how her picture piqued your interests.
     I was looking around and saw your photo. What caught me at first was how the light reflected off your hair and the life in your eyes when you smile.
Now mention the little things you saw in her profile. Don't make this about you though.
In her profile she mentions being a professional dancer, ask her to elaborate.
     I saw that you are a dancer, what made you decide to pursue dancing?
She mentions having taken some college
     What courses have you taken in college thus far?
     Are you in a specific school program, certificate/ degree?
Don't sound condescending, and don't make it about sex. She was adamant about wanting an emotional bond more than a physical one first.
Being on pof, the person is looking for a partner they aren't finding in real life. Now's your time to ask her about that.
     Since you're on pof you must be looking for someone specific. Without censors (make sure she can let her guard down, again this isn't about you fitting into her ideal man- it's about learning about her) tell me what kind of partner you are looking for physically as well as psychologically.

Ask where she sees herself in the future (5-10 years from now)
Ask about what her hobbies are, her favorite tv shows, favorite color, etc.
These questions seem childish but in reality you're trying to learn about this person as much as possible and a lot of times their favorite things say a lot about who they are as a person as well as what they prefer.

Life Lessons About People From My Dad: #2

     You'll find that people love nothing more than talking about themselves. So when you meet someone new,  look around and notice little things they have laying around. People don't get mad when they talk about their favorite person; themselves.

How To Date Online: Increase Your Chances

     With so many people using online dating websites like plenty of fish and ok cupid, you come across a double edged sword. On the one hand, you have options! On the other hand, you have to pick though each individual to find out which one you'd like to take out on a date or two. I had my fair share of wasting time online looking through the thousands of profiles on there. Search engines are helpful, but what happens when sifting through your already narrowed selection becomes too much? I've come up with a system to get through thousands of profiles in a matter of minutes and I'm going to share my approach with you. Because, let's be frank here, it's a numbers games. Every person you contact, you have a small chance that the person will either respond or not and responses vary in complexity but we'll touch on that later.
     Alright, so you used the advanced search method and you still have about 53 pages of possible matches to sift through. On the left, are lines of tiny photos. On the right, catch phrases and small descriptions to catch your attention.
 Step 1: scroll down the first page and only look at the photos. If they don't catch your eye or tempt you to look further into it, don't. It takes 5 seconds for your brain to decide if you're sexually attracted to another person physically.
     Everyone has their own thing they find attractive to another person, so if you don't think you're anything special, someone out there will think otherwise. It's actually pretty awesome to think that even if someone isn't attractive to you, that someone else thinks that they are. It's almost like there are enough people to match up, and I think that's fantastic!
 Step 2: right click on the photos that catch your eye and open them in another tab. Don't look at these profiles until you have gone through an entire page.
Step 3: Now that you made it to someone's page, here's what you have to do. Skim. Look for what you find most important. It could be anything from profession to having a job, to wanting kids or not, to eye color. Whatever values have more weight to you make a little mental note that these are good things.
Step 4: If they have passed these "filters," now comes one of two somewhat time consuming parts. You'll have to read the "about me" section.
     Online many people feel that being anonymous gives them a security to open up and they are more likely to be themselves. Meaning; the about me sections are usually a good representation of the kind of person they are. If you are turned off by their about me section, simply move on.
Step 5: Being Original.
     In your message to this person, make sure it's not something you are saying to every person. It is extremely evident when a message is mass produced. I will actually give some example writings in my next post. To give an overview however I will keep it short. Have an interesting heading, not the default. Write a good length of a message. And lastly, don't talk about yourself unless asked.
Step 6: Congrats. You have sent a message to a potential love connection. Now that you feel good about everything continue on to the other tabs that you have open and repeat steps 3-5

Happy Fishing!

How To Date Online: Types of People You're More Than Likely To Find

     Alright. Today's stats on people meeting online and being in a relationship is 1 out of ever five. That's 20%. Now a lot of times people are embarrassed to admit meeting their partner online since there is still that stigma associated with it. But let's be truthful here, if you hate wasting your time going out with people who you have close to nothing in common with your best bet is to use the magic of the internet to help you out. 
     If you look at my picture, you'll see that I'm not unsightly. So why is it that I reverted to using the internet you may ask? Time. I'm ambitious and often impatient. I like knowing what I want and getting it within a short amount of time; instant gratification. Blame it on the generation I was born in. But here was me. 17-18 I was cooped in my room studying for 6 hours a night. Reading textbook chapters, writing notes for the next days topics. Studying for tests, quizzes, and the like and on the weekends I worked. I hardly had friends and wasn't the type to go out without intention. That being said, it made it rather difficult to find someone. I read countless articles on "where to find single men", the places frequented for the type of guy you most want, and let's be honest-- none of them were appealing to me. I don't want to go to a home improvement store-- and it had mentioned finding men at the grocery store as well, hm, strange because I worked at one and there were none to be found. So I made a profile on plenty of fish; many profiles. Here's what you'll mostly find on there.
     Guys, you will find a short list of women. You have some types. 
1. BBW
     Now I am not against big beautiful women. More power to a women who can rock her body shape. But these are hardly the types of girls you'll meet. These types are more the age of senior in high school who claims to be looking for a inappropriately older man. Usually will have a child and takes a lot of close range photos of herself.
2. Party Girl
     These are the girls who claim to "hate drama," but in actuality, they are the causes for it. Any one who claims to hate drama is a magnet for it. They like to go to the bar and have a good time. She always puts she isn't looking for something serious, but could lead you on in order to have a good time.
3. Country Girl
     These girls aren't any Daisy Duke. They are the tom boys of the website. They like shooting, hunting, country music, the whole nine yards.
4. The Gorgeous Girl
     Hate to tell you but these types are unreachable. They will never respond to your messages or they were at one point a man. There is nothing wrong with trans sexual men and they are often the prettiest women, simply because, why change sexes to be an ugly woman?
5. The Questionable Girl
     She has some nice photos and seems like a nice match, that is, until you get down to her "about me" section of the profile to realize, she hasn't put any effort into trying to help you message her at all but claims she wants you to be "original," whatever the hell that means. She simply puts what she doesn't want you to say and magically you are supposed to generate a thoughtful and interesting and witty message and when you finally spent 3 hours devising an effortful attempt on your part, the message goes unnoticed and she never replies.

Ladies, you'll have an even shorter list.
1.The Country Boy
     He says right out he is a country boy, but to him, being country doesn't equal being chivalrous. It includes underage drinking, bonfires, and dumping you for his friends.
2. The Douche
     His messages always are written with the least amount of effort. It usually goes, "hey sexy how r u" His conversations aren't the least bit interesting and if you don't want to meet that night (for a booty call, because let's be honest, you have more class than that) then you will never hear from him again.
3. The Gangsta
     This guy is white. The whitest of the white and he thinks he is a bad ass because he wears large shirts and his pants hang below his butt. Want to know a secret? This was an indicator in prisons, that a male was ready for sexual relations with other males.
4. The Nice Guy
     I know, most would argue that most girls fall for the jerks, but a secret? Women don't like to tell you how to act. It comes off that you're a pushover, easily manipulated and have such a low self esteem that you aren't your own person, you want to be THE person. Don't change who you are to make someone else happy. Chances are, they won't be.

     But don't let this be discouraging. There are a lot of stones, but you still have a chance to find the gem among them.

Life Lesson About People from My Dad: #1 "Friends"

     Advice comes in many forms, and usually when it's from a parent, it has a bad habit on falling upon deaf ears when not asked for specifically. But along the way there were always little bits of information my dad lent me that just stood out. This will be a side series to my relationships blog, but the information is still worth keeping in mind.
     Today's life lesson is about "friends." The people who, you never hear from, until one day, out of the blue- they need something from you.

Monday, December 17, 2012

The Strange and Disastrous Dates: To Keep You Motivted

     In my previous blog post I mentioned dating many people from online for over a year and a half before I met the one. As lame as it sounds, I look back to that moment every day and couldn't see myself without him. But don't think that it was perfectly laid out for me or even handed to me. A year and a half is a long time! But I will share my disastrous dates in order for you to realize that it was a journey!

     I had my first kiss at the age of 17. While most have had their first kiss in middle school, I'll have to admit I was something of a late bloomer. My first kiss was with the 24 year old who set up texting on my phone (again, I didn't get this until I was 17, my parents were..."strict") The word that caught his attention was my usage of "ostentatious." Now you have to remember I was in college at 16. I loved English, and enjoyed reading. Words weren't a stranger to me, but this is what supposedly did him in. I grew abnormally attached to him as the months went on. He led me on, treated me like garbage.. we'll label him the douche. Although, truth be told, he didn't earn the right to be anywhere near a vagina. Simply put, he was a representation of the storm ahead.
     Now after my realization that I deserved better I created a profile on this website, Within minutes I was getting messages. They weren't anything special. Only later did I find out that it was mainly a website of a few people. Horn Dogs/ Douches and those who had low self esteem, a type the website calls Bottom Feeders. They try to upkeep the fish theme a little too much...
     This bumble of a guy was shy and at the time I was willing to talk to everyone. My standards were low since I had seen a comedy sketch where a man says something along the lines that if we women lowered our standards some we would have a whole new availability of men. So I tested it out. I put looks aside and it came to bite me in the ass. Here, even to this day, is my WORST date ever and I am going to tell you that no, I'm not over exaggerating.
     We had been talking for a while now (online, texting and on the phone) but this was our first date. That was my rule. I found if he couldn't keep a conversation with me for more than a day, he wasn't worth my time. It was like a prelude to a relationship. It was a great way to filter people who weren't serious out. So the worst date ever. He picks me up and while he didn't own a nice car, it wasn't that big of a deal to me. He had a job and a car. More than most of them on that website. I digress. We go out to Red Robin, back when they had more than just burgers. We were waiting in line and I go to hold his hand. What does he do? He turns sideways and looks at the ceiling while still holding my hand. You might say, "what a strange thing to do!" want to know why? He divulged later that it was because he had a boner...
     Let's fast forward to dinner. He didn't say anything to me. I was asking questions, trying to seem interested-- I ordered the messiest thing on the menu in order for him to loosen up some. Then finally he started talking and just when I thought he opened up, he goes shy because evidently, his voice cracked. At 21 I expect you not to act like a 14 year old girl. You may think this is harsh, but I haven't finished yet. He clammed up the rest of the night. We went to a movie after, now I had been waiting for months to see this movie, I was so stoked, here I'm thinking it would be a great film. Blood, gore, action, The Town with Ben Afleck. Don't ask me what it was about now, I probably couldn't remember. So we're sitting in the theater and out of the corner of my eye I see his knee bouncing up and down and he's tapping his fingers on his leg. I ignored it. While people are dying he wants to hold my hand...
     Finally the movie was over and we walk to the car. I get in and he puts the key in the ignition, leans forward and is just sitting there. I'm shaking from being so cold and asked him what we were doing just sitting there. He insisted on going out for ice cream... So we went to Cold Stone and got little things of ice cream. My friends were asking me how it was going and I was ready for it to end. The tables at Cold Stone are not that big. We were sitting pretty close and all the sudden my phone vibrates. It's him. He is sitting right across from me and is texting me. He got cocky, but wouldn't say anything to my face.
     At last I was home. He hugged me and when he tried going for more than a hug I darted into the house. Moments later he is texting me pictures of flowers and asked me "Did you get my flowers?" I said "What flowers?" He was talking about the pictures... Unfortunately my mom convinced me to give him another try. And after him almost killing me by turning left on a red light onto oncoming traffic, that other try landed me a stalker for the next year or so. I couldn't get on POF without him or his alcoholic brother messaging me.

     After that, in the spring I was in my Comparative Religion class and had a neck spasm. I was paralyzed, crying, and had to have my friend (who was also friends with my cousin) drive me to the hospital where my mom works. We found out later it's called Torticollis, for those who like looking things up like me. Needless to say, I owed him one. So when he asked me out I said yes. He didn't have a car, nor a job- but I went out with him anyways. He was late (which angered my dad severely- it's disrespectful, oh and all my dates had to meet my parents before I was allowed out not to mention I had to tell my parents my whereabouts and be home at a certain I aforementioned, they were strict.) We were in some classes at school together so we had a good amount of things to talk about. The only thing was, he was never sure when to kiss and asked me what he should do when he brought me home. He asked me if he should go home and since I liked a guy who knows what he wants, I sent him on his way with nothing more than a hug.
*Guys, many girls tell where the relationship is going to go or even if she is attracted to you simply from a kiss. Your saliva is filled with pheromones and testosterone that the female body subconsciously picks up on. you'd be wise to have  kiss on the 1st date.*

     One of my friends at the time, had a boyfriend who she met on POF. He had a friend who was also on that website, so we went on two double dates over that summer. On the first double/ blind date, he was texting his ex girlfriend the whole night. He hardly talked to me, but liked messing around. He had a fake I.D. and was actually 19. A self proclaimed Red Neck, he told me he had to go back to Virginia and didn't want to lead me on. While it was appreciated, I still got upset because who likes being told they don't want to be around you anymore?
     Then I went out with another guy from POF. He was actually friends with the hoodlum who lived next door to me after the older woman sold the house. He was in a band, had tattoos and piercings, managed to talk to me for more than a day and we went to a movie, dinner and took our dinner to the park. In the movie, he tried doing me. AKA having sex. I may have mentioned this before, but I was a late bloomer. I was a virgin at this time. I had told him this and he seemed surprised. He tasted of marijuana, want to know why? He claimed he smoked three days ago, he lived in a house where the tenants smoked and he was a drug dealer!
     The next guy is when I started looking for more of a "man in uniform." I found a guy who was not only in the air force, but was also training to become a cop. He was born on Valentine's Day 2 years before me and was always thought provoking and intelligent. We went out to dinner then the park and even though it was raining we had a nice time. At the end of the night he promised we would have a second date. He stood me up that night.
     The next one was okay. He was tall, had a car and a job, intelligent, but less than average in the looks department. He got taken to jail after our date because he was caught drinking 3 days before he turned 21. He was possessive and temperamental. He had me pay for most of our dates. He turned out to be a coke dealer at one point in his life, and after everything, I had to tell him I wasn't attracted to him. He didn't take it lightly, stalked me for a little while before letting it go...
     Finally, I met the one. He sent me a message with two lines. "You're very pretty" "your dad looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I bet he could kick my ass." We talked for a few days, and after not hearing from him for a week, I contacted him again. We started talking about very intimate information. I was learning things even his closest friends never knew. Every day is a special one. I live with him now and he plans on marrying me someday soon. A co-worker of his, met his wife on POF. He was tired of the party girls and found me. :)

Hopeless Romantic: Single Search

     While I am not single anymore, there was a time when I was. I was consumed by school and had other reasons as to why I couldn't go out as well.  I was sitting in College Algebra and had made friends with the kid next to me. He clung on to our friendship and spilled his life story to me (most people do this, I may have a sign that hangs somewhere dangerously close to me indicting that I desire to hear about this right off the bat, but I shall spare you the dread) Just take away from this that I was introduced to online dating via this person. While at the age of 16, I had thought nothing of it, towards the age of 17-18 I desired to have a relationship with a burning passion. All over the place I would see couples and swooned at the idea of being so close to another person.
     I had remembered the website he had told me about and created many profiles over the course of my year and a half search it took for me to find the one. While I don't necessarily approve of this website I will make sure I explain why later.
     My search was anything but organized. I wasn't sure if people were actually taking the time to read about me. I had put forth effort into writing a meaningful section on the "About Me" and I had a strange  method of figuring out who to talk to, who to go out on a date with, etc. Often times I would get so frustrated that I kept deleting my profile to force myself to come up with a different about me that would catch someone's attention. But there is a trick I used in searching for people, since online, you have a lot of people to filter through and just not enough time in the day. I realized this method while trying to help one of my friends find a girlfriend. I would simply go through the tabs on the top part of the page, scroll through the pages, right click on the people who's picture met my criteria, and before flipping to the next I would scan their profile quickly. If it met what I was looking for I quickly came up with a witty and charming message. None of which were mass produced. And YES I have had people do this to me.
     This is a matter of probability and persistence. It's A LOT like a job search and only you know who the one person can be to fill the position. It's discouraging and frustrating, but trust me; it's well worth it in the end.


     If you are unfamiliar with my writings (which is very possible) let me introduce myself, as well as my line of writing intended for this blog specifically.
     Life is full of relationships; romantic, platonic, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, bosses, every day people you run into on the street. You may never know every one you had the chance of walking past, but let me tell you, there are definitely patterns, or certain types of people.
     Since this is a newer blog line, as of today, there is no guarantee I will stay on topic. I am more than open to giving my advice. There's a lot of people on this earth and I've had the chance to meet a lot of them. My purpose of writing this is not to pass time, but to pass on some ideas since everything is clearer when someone from the outside puts it in perspective versus the subjective view so many of us have. So let's start with just a few to get some ideas flowing, shall we?

1. Being single and looking for the one meaningful relationship we all want; The Hopeless Romantic
2. The Job Hunter; overqualified for high schooler's jobs, and under-qualified for all the rest
3. The Peter Pan; the one who should act like an adult, but rather, still acts like a child
4. The Parents; sure, they care, but sometimes it's a little too much, and other times it's not enough
5. The Coveter;  the person who picks favorites
6. The Teenager; this person generally likes to text A LOT, they never seem to enjoy being where they are at the time and seek refuge talking to others via text or on twitter.
7. The Deal Hunter; this person loves a good deal, could also be frugal, cheap or actually think there's value in collecting and recycling aluminum cans
8. The Attention Seeker; this person generally seeks validation from others, and while this is usually normal, this type of person does it to excess
9. The Troll; this person likes to annoy people, often times angering others for amusement purposes
10. The Slob; this type of person lives in a habitat where the floors are actually just made of dirty clothes
11. The Athlete; could have been active at one point in their lives and always act over competitively

While these are just a few to get started on, I can assure that there will definitely be more along the way, and I am sure that Hopeless Romantic will be a long series.